But he did, He so, so did
by LetterRead
Summary: Sirius has something he wants to tell Remus, Remus might be more responsive than Sirius expects. WARNING: Disgusting amounts of fluff ensue and i mean like- it's unabashedly sickening . MWPP ERA SBRL RLSB


**But he did. He so, so did.**

Two sixth year Gryffindors had the boy's dormitory all to themselves, spelling out an afternoon of Lily chasing for James, tutoring for Peter, boredom for Sirius and consequent hell for Remus. The two aforementioned canines sat on their respective beds, Sirius twitching in his restlessness and leaving Remus (rather predictably) to read.

"Moooooony?!"

So much for reading.

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"Do you know what I can't help but think everytime I see you?"

"Er- 'is he really reading _again_!'?"

"Well yeah- but other than that?" Sirius smirked, now on his feet hovering at the foot of his own bed and leaning casually against the bedpost in his most suave manner. Although, it had been said that _everything_ Sirius Black ever did was suave.

"Why am I friends with this eagle in lions clothing?"

"Wrong again Moons. What I always think is, 'That's a _real_ shame'." Sirius concluded overly sombrely, turning his back to Remus and kneeling to fish something out of his trunk.

"I'm sorry- what?" This has definitely caught the sandy haired boys' attention, as his book had now been replaced on his dresser, his eyes wide and expectant.

"I said- 'thaaaat's a reeeeeal shaaaaame'." Sirius repeated more slowly, ceasing to shuffle the contents of his trunk when he had located a small piece of parchment.

"I heard what you said you prat, but what does it mean? What's a real shame?" Remus cocked an eyebrow although Sirius was still not looking at him. Closing the lid of his trunk, Sirius let out a shaky breath and threw the crumpled up piece of parchment accurately over his shoulder. The ink splattered paper fell just short of Remus' lap and the slightly younger boy was hasty in unfolding it to be read. Sensing the growing tension Sirius screwed his eyes shut, composing himself, but did not turn around as he spoke.

"Read it. Out loud." Remus nodded, although he was aware that his friend was not looking at him, so it was mostly for his own benefit. And as he began to feel somewhat nervous himself, he stared at the first few words on the paper before eventually finding his voice.

"Re-Remus." It was addressed to him, good start, "It's a-It's a real shame that there's nobody who's allowed to hold your hand."

_Er- What?_

Remus didn't understand, he didn't want to read on, he didn't want to listen.

But he did. He so, so did.

"No one who's allowed to feel your delicate fingers intertwined with their own. Because you know, you've got beautiful fingers Moony," two sets of lungs stopped as the silence ensued, only the raging pulses and sweaty palms keeping the two frightened boys present.

"Sirius I don't think-"

"Just read it," Sirius' voice was stern but not cruel as he interrupted the shyer boys' protests, clearly masking so many emotions. Remus nodded once again.

"And I look at your hands- and I know that they were made for holding."

_They're made for what now? _What kind of prank was this? Did Sirius _know_ and was making fun of him? Why would his best friend do that to him? What the _hell_?

Remus didn't know whether to laugh or run away, so doing the only sensible thing he could think of, he remained still and perfectly silent, not daring to look back down at the unfolded parchment in his grasp. Slowly with downcast eyes, Sirius turned to face Remus. His shoulders looked to be shaking slightly and he made a nodding gesture so as to encourage his friend to continue reading.

Remus didn't want to, he didn't want to read anymore, he wouldn't, he shouldn't.

But he did. He so, so did.

"Then I start to think how much of a real shame it is that there's no one who's allowed to rest their head on your shoulder. No one who's allowed to hide their face in the crook of your neck and smell the mind numbingly delicious-" This was all too much for Remus, he set the parchment down with shaking hands and looked at his friend alarmingly, questioningly.

"W-what is this Sirius?" He shook the paper in one hand.

"I thought that much was obvious," the black haired boy chanced a wry smile.

"But why? Wh- I don't understand!"

"Neither do I," it was a whisper. It was the most tender voice Remus had ever heard Sirius use and if he had heard it at any less confusing moment, he would have melted right away. Instead he ran an exasperated hand through his hair and opened his mouth with every intention set to screaming at the long haired boy only six feet away.

Remus didn't want to melt under his best friends gaze, he didn't want to let that vulnerable voice take over his every thought, didn't want to hope.

But he did. He so, so did.

"You read it," He whispered in reply, allowing the paper to flutter out of his hands and down to the floor in front of Sirius.

"I- I can't."

"Pads I-"

"Ok. But please don't interrupt, I don't think I could- please." Remus blinked in understanding, composing himself as Sirius scooped the paper into his hands barely glancing at the words. He knew them word for word anyway; they were engraved into his heart.

"R-Remus," A deep breath, no turning back, "It's a real shame that there's nobody who's allowed to hold your hand. No one who's allowed to **feel** your delicate fingers intertwined with their own. Because you know, you've got beautiful fingers Moony. And I look at your hands and I know that they were made for holding.

Then I start to think how much of a real shame it is that there's no one who's allowed to rest their head on your shoulder. No one who's allowed to hide their face in the crook of your neck and **smell** the mind numbingly delicious scent of _you_. It's one part old books, one part tea, two parts chocolate and three parts something completely unique and one hundred percent addictive."

Not daring himself to speak, Remus watched his friend in what could only be described as complete and utter shock. Sirius was still looking at the floor, but was by now standing; having grown to his full height, he was now just a couple of steps from the foot of Remus' bed. He pressed on.

"So after that I can't help but think about the real shame that is the existence of _no one_ who's allowed to tickle you mercilessly in your most ticklish spots; right under your ribcage and on the backs of your knees. No one who's allowed to **hear** those girlish giggles you let out when you can no longer keep your barking laugh under control."

In the short moments of silence that followed, Remus found himself holding his breath. Watching Sirius move ever closer, he exhaled discreetly, only just daring enough to glance at the taller boy every other second. By now Sirius was perched on the end of Remus' bed, staring at a place on the golden eyed boys' chest where his heart may well have been. He had a look of determination in his eyes that frightened the motionless werewolf.

Remus didn't want to hear anymore, he didn't want to unravel all of the mysteries that made up the one and only Sirius Black, didn't want to know.

But he did. He so, so did.

"After I've thought about all of that and believe me Moony, I've tried desperately to stop thinking about all of that!" The smile was gone is less than a second, "I just- I think about the biggest shame of all."

Both boys' eyebrows had slid silently into their hairlines, each as terrified as the other. Sirius was still looking insistently at Remus' chest, only the slight crack in his voice betraying his otherwise calculated demeanour.

"The _real _shame is that there's no one who's- who's a-allowed to **feel** your pinkish lips on theirs...f and taste that amazing tongue which has proved to be so talented and witty."

"..."

"No one who's allowed to kiss you, Moony."

And then Sirius looked up into Remus' eyes, vulnerable and shy, and Remus thought it was the single most beautiful sight he had ever seen. They stared at each other for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than ten seconds. Predictably, Sirius was not quite finished.

"There are a lot of shames with you Rem. Shame that you don't have the special someone you deserve. Shame that that someone will never be me. Shame that you don't know much someone-" their eyes locked together, this was it, this was it, "how much _I_ love you."

"..."

"..."

"Siriu-"

"But I'm going to rid you of one shame... because you deserve to know that I love you. You deserve to know how wonderful and perfect you are and how well you manage to piece me together and make me function. So, although it's a shame that you don't feel the same way about me, I'll be ok as long as you are. Because, I don't need to feel you, or smell you, taste or hear you, because I'll always be able to **see** you, to watch you. And that will be enough. You'll always be enough."

Remus didn't want to cry, he didn't want to believe all of the wonderful things he had heard, didn't want to close the space between himself and his best friend, crushing their lips together in the most spelling bindingly passionate kiss.

But he did. He so, so did.


End file.
